this is for sure my 99th post. i thought this was my 100th but its not. but luckily i already wrote it out. unluckily it might refer to some things as happening tonight it the post, but on account of the fact that its going up tomorrow, it will have been yesterday night....you'll get the picture.
so I'm pretty sure today i had a panic attack....in my shower of all places. i was dumb and thought my PT was at 3 and i go there only to discover that its at 2 not 3 and that i had missed it. sooo i go home, thinking oh well...and do some of my exercises and what nots. this involves playing the piano a little bit everyday, and everyday i push a bit harder and play for a bit longer. well today that bit me in the butt to say the least. afterward my wrist was hurting like no other. so i iced it and that didn't help. its just so frustrating cause literally nothing will help. so i was like whatever ima shower and get ready for tonight. but of course, since in the shower i have nothing else better to do, i start freaking out. "awesome my wrist still hurts after 3 weeks of therapy. what am i gonna do if it still is freaking out at college? what if therapy never works. i mean when i go they make it feel better for a little bit but then if i do anything normal, like if your siting on the ground and you go to stand up and put one hand on the ground flat to push yourself up, how will i ever really get better. and if only playing a few scales and exercises on the piano for 25 minutes bugs it this much, how will i take piano next quarter?" so this goes on and then i start bawling. in the shower. probably one of the best places too cause then 1 it doesn't like you've been crying when you get out 2 nobody hears you crying and 3 the water just washes away the tears! no make gets ruined or nothing!
but srsly I'm freaking outt. why can't they just fix me!?!?!
happy 100th tomorrow!!
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