winter break day 2

it feels sooo good to be home. i feel like today is going to be a multiple posts in one day/night ordeal...but i don't even care!

I'm going to make a list of things to do whilst home.

1. get rid of clothing items i absolutely do not wear any longer.
2. clean closet. FOR GOOD
3. get christmas presents in order. (i.e. actually buy them...)
4. figure out whether or not I'm actually going to see Coldplay on July 8th in D.C.
5. go to Goodwill and replenish my Christmas sweaters that have been so conveniently misplaced my someone in my family.
6. buy accessories for my laptop that i have been refusing to buy because i have been "busy"

so far thats all i can think of to actually do. accomplishments as of day 2 of winter break consist of number...

1. i have parted with 2 sweaters, both purple surprisingly.

2. i have some things already bought (2 things for my dad, a thing for my mom, a thing for someone else that i forget about, and a thing for danielle) and I'm online right now planning on buying this for my sister...if i could actually stand up and get my credit card......

6. now this one is going to take a little effort on your part. i've narrowed it down to a few choices but i still need YOUR HALPP.

• passing me by
• daydream
• cheshire cat grin--laura dislikes this, and that kinda matters i suppose seeing as though since i live with her, she'll be seeing it the most.
• daisy
• wonderland

pleasee let me know which you hate the least, puts you in a good mood,ya know...stuff like that.

one last note before i end this post. college. it'll do a lot to a person. things that i dislike that it does....it almost inhibits the ability for one person to just have a good cry every once in a while. when you feel like your world is just ending, or that its just so incredibly hard and you just need to lock yourself in the bathroom and have a good cry about really...everything yet nothing at all...you can't do that in college. theres always someone in the bathroom. always someone in your room...or knocking on your door, or wanting to talk to you. you really don't get that much privacy. thats one of the reasons why I'm happy to be home. to be able right now to just sit on my computer while painting my nails, cleaning my room and watching youtube videos without anyone interrupting. thats why last night after i got home,and everyone was asleep in my house to just be able to take everything in. 

this quarter hasn't been the most stressful few months or so of my life, but they have been pretty new, strange, difficult and sometimes overwhelming. i've met so many new friends, some that have or i'm pretty sure will becoming my best friends in such a short amount of time. i've become closer with people i didn't think i would, but also have become more distant with friends i've just been so used to seeing all the time. i've stayed up late doing homework, being completely stressed out. i've started talking to some boys that are complete ass holes, yet i find myself talking about them, thinking about them more often than i'd like to. i've texted certain people who i wish i didn't text while possibly being a little intoxicated. i've wasted the day away, knowing full well i have other obligations to uphold. i've found out about some pretty hard news about my dad, and am still trying to sort out my feelings. 

needless to say, i've done a lot, and it's taken its toll. around this time last year, i could just have a little melt down here or there and then call it a day. but at college, i never got the chance to just let it all go, by myself that is. so when i came home yesterday from my brothers high school band concert, i finally just had at it. i stood in my room, looked around, and just lost it. i started thinking of all the things i miss, things in high school meant so much, or things that i just have a history with. i just started sobbing every time i turned to look at new thing, i thought about where it came from, memories with it, how life used to be. i. was. bawling. 

then, all of sudden, in the middle of my room, i stopped. 

i looked at my ohio state chair, and smiled. 

as a line from a song that i so frequently get stuck in my head beautifully says...

"I'm where, and who i want to be"

i'm still the same old me, i'm just....how do you say....grown up. i looked at all those things and related them to my life now. 

i don't know if any of that made sense. i just know i had to spew it out before i went. 

i guess all I'm trying to say is a good cry everyone once in a while never hurt anyone.

go bucks