new summer...new you?

i dont believe in creating a "new you" at the begining of the year. i can't remember a time when i've wanted to become a different person. i mean sure i've wanted to possibly act different in certain situations...possibly wanting to be more mature or more confident but never make a "new me". but so far this summer i feel like I've been trying a lot of new things all at once.

1. i finally have a bank account. we've been putting it off for months now but since i got scholarship money and i finally had a job with a real pay check, the time had come. that required being responsible and shit. nbd.
2. got a job. now i'v babysat in the past like any other 14 year old girl, so i gots me moneys. but on sunday i started my first day at work at a real job. sure its not like babysitting...i dont get cash right in my hand after every day of work like i do when i go down the street to babysit....but its still pretty good. plus i have a (ugly) uniform and everything .white keds, khaki shorts, name tag, blue hat, and, the kicker, a BRIGHT orange shirt. boo. but so far its pretty okay. i work at this concession stand at the country club down the street, and its been FUREAZING the last few days, so my first 2 days at work have been super easy.
3. cello! i've learned how to play the cello! kinda...but i finally had my first lesson and all's well. benji is teaching me and right now thats going okay. i have my doubts, but i'm giving it a try. its quiet obvious that i am much more excited than he. but that doesnt really matter right? i also am reserved somewhat for a reason that shall be discussed in a later number.
4. got a few hairs cut. i failed to write about my recent change in hair style....it is MUCH shorter. its like, at my shoulders now! i know all my friends have seen me with my shorter hair, but this is yet another thing to add to the list of changes in me.
5. a harsher reality. i've finally come to terms with the fact that friends grow apart, and as much as that sucks, there really is nothing you can do about it. it might make you really really really upset with someone, but getting made can't change things. it might also make you really sad when you talk about that person, so sad that you almost cry in public even if their name is brought up. but again, nothing you can say or do will change that. you just have to be thankful for the friendship that you had with that person, and thankful for what you've learned from that friend, and be thankful for all those other people that are fully involved in your life. you dont need one partiuclar friend to lean on all the time. yeah, we were great friends during a time in my life, and now we're just not. but the thing im thankful for is being the more mature one. i can honestly look back and not regret anything that i've done. i can't say "oh i wish i just texted them back that one time, maybe things would be different." or even "if only i called them back..." and "i should have been there for them." cause i was always readily available for that person, as i am always there for any one of my friends that need me. does it suck? yeah...i sucks ass. hard. but after putting so much effort into one relationship with one person, and getting nothing out of it...you have to ask yourself....is it worth it? i knew what the answer was going to be a long time ago, but never had the guts to say it. but finally i know that the answer, undoubtedly, is no. i can pussy foot around it all i want but in the end, if someone wants to be a part of your life, theyll make an effort to be in it. so dont bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesnt make an effort to stay. there comes a point in your life when you gotta just stop texting tht person, change their name in your phone to something completly unreasonable, and just give up. and thats what i've done. Giving up doesnt mean you're weak. sometimes....it just means your strong enought to let go...
6. on an extremly happier note.....im READING! an actual book! i'm reading "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. but this book is unlike any book i've ever read before. yes i've seen the movie...well most of the movie (i havent seen the first 15 minutes nor when she goes to Indonesia....but i've seen a good amount of it) so maybe that's why i'm intrigued by it. plus...i feel like Liz (yes, were on a first name basis) is talking right to me. she recently in the book dealt with a divorce and a serious breakup and is dealing with it, plus wanting to live her life the way she wants to. so she takes a year journey to Italy, India and Indonesia, 4 months in each. and im already about 90 pages in....which is a HUUUGGEEE deal for me considering i reallly dislike reading, a lot. but at work since there is nothing to do,as i have previously stated, i have been reading. i might even finish this book before the summer! fingers crossed!!

so far thats all the  "change" i have for right now. luckily Pretty Little Liars is back :) 

"no one can change a person. but someone can be a reason for a person to change"

-spongebob