still crying.

so benji just left. we watched the 5th harry potter. it was kinda a sad one.


earlier today i went to the freshman baseball game. and after that i went to zazu's to paint her room...it looks gorgeous. i just wish i had more energy or enthusiasm to really describe how wonderful it really is.


but before that i woke up. i didnt even really wake up...my mom woke me up, at 12.


dont get me wrong, i love sleeping in, but i rarely every sleep in till 12, and you know why that is?


im hurt. and im hurt real bad. 


i wish i wasnt but i am. benji made a good point tonight that i dont "actually know what amy was doing over there." so i'm thinking i should give him the chance to explain what happened. i dont even know why im so upset...that he picked her over me? no...well kind of. idk. i just know what im feeling is not the kind of feeling that i wish to feel again. i just dont totally understand why he thought lying was necessary. 


i talked to a few friends, i dont know who is right. i could confront him and tell him i know, but he'll either shut up and not say anything cause he can't handle confrontation, or he'll just lie. but if i do nothing and completely ignore him, its not like he'll ask me whats wrong or figure out i know about this situation. but i suppose there is a 3rd option, as benji pointed out. i just need to not be as such as friends with him anymore, like pull away from him i suppose. 


that would probably be the hardest thing i could do, but most likely the best thing i could do as well.


i just dont understand why all this shit keeps happening to me